Suggestions to Help Your Child Feel Loved and Valued
One of my top priorities as a parent is that my kids know—deep down and without a doubt—that they are loved and valued. Although life is busy and each stage brings new challenges, a small effort can have a huge impact on our kids. These 10 practical ways to encourage your kids offer suggestions to show them how special they are.
You may find that some of these are easier for you than others. There’s no parental rule book saying you have to do all of these. Find a few ways you can express love and appreciation for the unique person God made your child to be.
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Write Encouraging Words
If you’re familiar with The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, you’ll recognize this as a way to offer “words of affirmation” to your child. Whether or not words of affirmation is your child’s primary love language, you know that every single one of us likes hearing encouraging words.
Here are just a few ideas for encouraging your kids with written words.
Notebook or Journal
Keep a special journal or notebook just for writing down encouraging notes to your child. Write a note when you see them do a kind deed, let them know you see positive character traits in them, ask extended family to write notes on birthdays or special occasions.
Read: 250 Positive Personality Traits to Describe Your Child
Everyday Notes
Delight your kids with a quick note of encouragement just to say, “you’re a great kid!”
- lunchbox notes
- sticky notes on the fridge, their desk, or computer
- use dry erase markers on a window or mirror
- text messages
Plan Special One-on-One Time
Whether you make it a monthly “date” or you look for opportunities to take one of your kids with you when you’re going shopping, one-on-one time is a great way to show your kids that you like spending time with them.
Ask them to give suggestions for things to do or places to go. It doesn’t have to be expensive or complicated—one of my kids loves to bring a deck of cards to Starbucks and drink hot cocoa while we play cards!
If you’re able to plan a regular monthly or quarterly one-on-one time, your kids will look forward to that special time with anticipation.
Read: 31 Ways to Make Your Daughter’s Day
Surprise Them
Another way to encourage your kids is to surprise them with an unexpected reward. Pick up a box of donuts to celebrate completing a tough test, go see a movie after finishing a spring cleaning project. The key is to keep it out of the ordinary. If you get donuts after every test, it’s not a surprise anymore! A few well-thought out surprises will be more memorable than regular treats and rewards.
Surprises are kind of the opposite of traditions, and both can create deep and powerful memories.
Praise Them to Others
Telling someone else about how great your kid is (within their hearing) can be even more encouraging than telling your child directly. When you honestly share how much you appreciate or admire some quality in your child, they will feel seen and valued in a unique way.
Consider some of these things and see if any of them apply to your child.
- hard work ethic
- honesty
- ability to get along with others
- bravery in trying something new
- perseverance or persistence
- sense of humor
- patience with kids of differing ages and abilities
- appreciation for beauty
- dedication to a team
- confidence in being themselves
- enthusiasm for life
- attention to detail
- seeing the best in others
- courage in the face of obstacles
- ability to problem solve
- creativity
- compassion toward people or animals
There are so many more qualities and characteristics worthy of praise. Encourage your child’s positive character traits by praising them to others.
Visit: Character Building Resource Page
Give Thoughtful Gifts
Your kids can be encouraged by thoughtful gifts as well. If their primary love language is gifts, this could be a big one. Thoughtful gifts don’t need to be expensive, they just need to show that you value and appreciate the recipient.
Consider some of these categories when giving gifts to your child:
- hobbies your child enjoys
- something your child says he/she likes in passing (go back and get it!)
- keepsake items
- items to start or build a collection
- personalized gifts (name, birthday)
- ask kids’ friends for suggestions
- meaningful family heirlooms
Read: How to Speak Your Child’s Love Language
Connect Daily
Your life may be busy with work, sports, school, and church, but making time to connect with your kids daily can be an encouragement in the middle of the busyness. Carve out time to check in and ask how they’re feeling, what’s occupying their thoughts, or how things are going with friends.
Here are a few questions to consider asking as part of a daily check-in ritual.
- What was the best thing about today?
- Is there something interesting you can share about your day?
- What was the worst thing about today?
- Is anything stressing you out right now?
- What is something you’re looking forward to?
- Is there anything you wish our family did more often? Or less often?
- What are you grateful for today?
Read: 20 Silly Conversation Starters for Families
Tell Them You Noticed
Earlier, I mentioned writing notes as a way to encourage your kids, but speaking words of encouragement is equally valuable. When you observe your child doing or saying something you want to support or promote more of, tell them you noticed!
- kind words toward others
- exhibiting self-control
- showing independence
- solving problems
- following through on something they’ve been asked to do
- showing respect to others
- someone told you about a positive interaction they had with your child
Read: Family Meeting Template Ideas
Share Personal Stories
Your kids can be encouraged by hearing stories of your life. Let them know that you failed a test, couldn’t figure out how to change a tire, or found it really hard to make friends in middle school. Tell them about the times you made a mistake and had to learn the hard way.
They may also be encouraged by reading, hearing, or watching stories about well-known historical or famous people who overcame obstacles or took unconventional routes to achieve their goals.
Give Them Responsibility
It may seem counterintuitive to encourage your kids by giving them work to do, but giving them responsibility lets them know that you trust them to do it. Kids need to know that they are valued, capable members of the family team.
Give your kids increasing levels of responsibility as they age. Elementary kids can be responsible for choosing their own outfits or getting their own breakfast. Middle school kids can be responsible for cleaning their own rooms and packing lunches. High schoolers can be given added responsibility of cooking dinner once a week/month and managing their calendar.
You will be the best judge of what your child is capable of, but they are probably capable of more than you think.
Adding appropriate responsibility provides your child with confidence in their ability to contribute.
Read: 140 Life Skills to Prepare Your Teens for Adulthood
Pray With and For Them
Finally, you can encourage your kids by praying with them and for them. Prayer gives your kids the foundation of knowing that God is in control. How encouraging is that?! They will encounter circumstances that don’t make sense or situations that feel overwhelming, and prayer may become a lifeline.
Praying together will help your kids learn to pray, develop a habit of prayer, and recognize prayer as an essential discipline for their whole lives.
Additionally, the knowledge that their parents are praying for them can be a powerful encouragement, even during times they seem uninterested in a personal relationship with God.
Ways to Encourage Your Kids This Year
Here are 10 ways you can encourage your kids and let them know how much they are loved and seen.
- Write them notes describing what they mean to you and how proud you are of them
- Plan one-on-one time to show them you enjoy spending time with them
- Surprise them with an unexpected treat to build strong memories
- Praise them to others, sincerely expressing appreciation for their admirable qualities
- Give thoughtful gifts that show you know and value who they are
- Connect daily, carving out undistracted time to check in with how they’re doing
- Tell them you noticed when you observe your child demonstrating an attitude or behavior you want to encourage
- Share personal stories describing how you made mistakes or felt discouraged by circumstances
- Give them responsibility to let them know you trust in their ability to contribute to your family team
- Pray with and for them to give them a vibrant faith that can support them through challenging situations
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