10 Ways to Adjust a Bad Attitude in Your Kids (Without Lecturing)

How to Turn a Bad Attitude Around

There are days you just want to tell your kids to go to bed at 10am, right? They’re getting on each other’s nerves; they give you a death-glare when you offer a simple “good morning.” Here are 10 suggestions for ways to adjust a bad attitude in your kids without the lecture (which never works anyway).

Push the Reset Button

When my kids were younger and squabbling about who was sitting where or complaining endlessly about having to do a simple task, I would sometimes use the “reset button” to turn things around.

The first time you do this, it’s a surprise. They have no idea what’s happening. Simply touch your finger to your nose and ask them to do the same. Tell them they have a special reset button they can push any time they want to stop acting out or having a bad attitude. Push the end of your nose and reset. Change the subject, move to a different room, start a new activity, whatever is needed.

After the first time, I used this occasionally. Not for big issues, but for those glum, complaining, irritable moments when they needed a little help stopping a negative spiral. I’d touch my finger to my nose and say, “I think we need to push the reset button.” Most of the time they’d start to laugh a little, and could be coaxed to touch their nose.

Now that my kids are older, I don’t use this a whole lot, but I do still pull this trick out once in a while and sometimes it still works to redirect the focus and get a little laugh out of them.

Get Moving

Long, winter days cooped up inside can bring on a bad attitude even in the most easygoing kids. Try going for a walk—even in the rain! Turn up the music and dance, find a YouTube workout that looks fun (yoga, Pilates, Tabata), or have a contest to see who can do the most pushups or jumping jacks.

Even better is to incorporate movement into every day. Don’t wait for the bad attitudes. Spend time moving every day for overall better health, both physical and mental.

Express Sympathy

Being around a bad attitude is no fun, but sometimes a sincere expression of sympathy can make your child feel seen and understood. Acknowledge that we all have times when we feel angry over something small, or frustrated with our circumstances.

If the bad attitude is not a permanent state of mind, it may be enough to sympathize and give your child space to feel the sadness, disillusionment, or anger they need to express without trying to coax them into a better frame of mind.

Ask Them What They Need

As kids get older, they have more insight into their own emotional needs. Sometimes as parents we try to fix our child’s problem without really knowing what they need. One way to resolve a bad attitude is to calmly ask if there is anything that would help.

Obviously, this is not a solution for every bad attitude situation. If your child has a bad attitude because you refused to buy the candy bar they wanted in the grocery checkout line, they’ll probably tell you they need the candy bar to turn that frown upside down.

But for a general mopey, irritable attitude, you may gain insight from asking this simple question, along with a few follow up questions. The key is to ask probing questions, not tell them what you think they need.

Possibilities for things they may need if they are unable to articulate their own needs at first:

time with friends
novelty
structure
change of pace
time alone
help with a project
encouragement that they are capable
a safe space to vent or ask questions
better sleep
less screen time

Allow Natural Consequences

Your child may need to experience the natural consequence of their bad attitude in order to turn it around. No one wants to be around someone who is grumpy and complaining. It may be that your child needs to see that their bad attitude is directly related to them being left out or not included.

If your child complains about another kid who seems to be well-liked or included in conversations, you may be able to ask what that person’s attitude is like. Are they generally happy and positive?

Your child is likely aware of their own bad attitude and eventually may see that the attitude is causing them to lose out on the types of relationships they want for themselves.

Make Them Laugh

YouTube to the rescue! A short, funny video can be a game-changer for a bad attitude. Injecting humor into the situation is a great way to reset a kid that woke up grumpy, or one who turns sulky when faced with a tough homework assignment.

Keep a playlist of funny videos, save memes you think would make your kids laugh, even collect groan-inducing “dad jokes” to pull out when your kids need a laugh break!

Read: 20 Silly Conversation Starters for Families

Experience Nature

An overlooked way to adjust a bad attitude in your kids is to turn off the TV, put down the phones, and get outside! Take a walk, cloud watch, stargaze, smell the roses, touch a caterpillar, catch a frog. Observe and experience the natural world to decompress, focus, or daydream. Even a series of deep breaths in fresh air for just a few moments can be helpful.

Experiencing nature includes the animal world. Petting a dog or cat can work wonders on a bad attitude.

Ask for a Do-Over

For a bad attitude that spills out in disrespect or surly communication, a calm request to try again or say it differently is appropriate. Sometimes the request will need to be repeated multiple times. My kids have a habit of yelling, “I’m sorry” in a way that is much more angry than sorry. After a few attempts at a retry, the “I’m sorry” tends to become a little more genuine.

Reminisce

Another way to refocus negative attitudes is to reminisce about fun shared memories. Pull up photos from a family vacation or video of your child singing in a sweet toddler voice. Kids love to see pictures of themselves from earlier years and a quick trip down memory lane can be just the ticket to adjust a temporary bad attitude.

Offer Positive Reinforcement

Finally, give lots of positive reinforcement letting your kids know how fun it is to be around them when they are FUN to be around. Point out how enjoyable it is when everyone is thankful, positive, and contributing to the family’s needs.

Read: 10 Ways to Encourage Your Child This Year

Suggestions to Adjust Your Child’s Bad Attitude

The key to most of these methods of adjusting your child’s bad attitude is to refrain from telling them to adjust their attitude! And, modeling your own behavior of attitude adjustment when you find yourself irritable or grumpy.

Here’s a summary of the 10 suggestions you can use to turn around a bad attitude.

Push the reset button
Get moving
Express sympathy
Ask them what they need
Allow natural consequences
Make them laugh
Experience nature
Ask for a do-over
Reminisce
Offer positive reinforcement

Our kids have their own unique personalities, strengths, and weaknesses. While it’s important to set appropriate behavior boundaries, repeated lectures telling your kid to shape up their attitude are not likely to bring about the outcome you’re hoping for. Recognize that your child is not a clone of you, and experiment with these suggestions for adjusting a bad attitude to find out which ones are most helpful for your child.

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