How to Hold a Family Meeting
Family meetings can be a great way to help your kids feel seen as valuable members of the family. But it can be hard to know exactly how to start family meetings, or how to put together a family meeting agenda.
I have a list of suggestions for you to use in setting up a simple family meeting agenda. Plus, you can download a free printable family meeting agenda to use for your family!
WHY FAMILY MEETINGS ARE A GOOD IDEA
Your kids probably hear a lot of orders telling them what to do, and even when to do it. The idea of setting up a system for them to contribute suggestions and lodge complaints will likely be met with enthusiastic approval.
The Center for Parenting Education says that family meetings work when each member of the family feels valued and conflicts are addressed and resolved through listening and cooperation.
When your kids have had a hand in deciding how things should be done, they already have a little bit of buy-in to the process.
Having to negotiate, come up with reasons for why something should be done differently, and learn to navigate conflict in a calm, thoughtful way are skills that will help your children throughout their lives. This is great life skills training for kids. Help your kids learn how to follow an agenda, how to stay calm during disagreements, how to vote on disputed issues, and how to test out or research a proposal and follow up at a later date.
HOW TO GET STARTED
As a parent, you probably have plenty of topic ideas to add to your family meeting agenda. Your kids may need a little assistance with knowing what types of things to suggest as an agenda item.
Schedule It
First, choose a date and time that works for your family and schedule your family meeting the way you would any other meeting. Don’t try to squeeze your family meeting into a day packed with other activities or when you know you will be stressed from working up against a strict deadline. As much as possible, plan to have your family meetings on a regular basis. Whether that’s weekly or monthly, choose a date and time that will work most of the time and then allow everyone some grace when inevitable disruptions occur to the schedule.
Get Your Kids Involved
Let your family know that you want to give them the opportunity to share suggestions and ideas with you. Give your kids a deadline for submitting agenda items. I have a Family Meeting Planner printable that you can download at the end of this post. Give this to your kids and have them write down their requests to be included on the family meeting agenda, along with any events they want to add to the family calendar.
PLANNING YOUR FAMILY MEETING
You want your family meeting to be a positive experience overall. If it’s not positive, your family will not want to continue having family meetings at all.
KEEP IT POSITIVE
So think about ways to include fun, silly, or upbeat agenda items. Have everyone say something nice about the person on their left, share a joke or funny story, or ask a silly “would you rather” question to each family member.
One more way to make it fun for your kids is to have a special snack. Serve muffins or trail mix; have a veggie plate or even donuts! If you have food, they will come!
COVER THE BORING STUFF FIRST
You may want to discuss schedules or calendar items, such as drop-off or pick-up schedules, playdates, and practice times during your family meeting. Even though necessary, your kids will probably find this boring, so get it out of the way quickly at the beginning.
THINGS TO AVOID
On the other hand, your family meeting agenda should not include discussion of specific behavior issues with one of your children (in front of the others) unless it is part of a discussion between them about how to resolve an issue.
If it is clear that an issue will not be covered in the amount of time delegated to that item, don’t let the discussion go on and on. Set another time to go over that issue individually, or circle back to it at the next meeting.
Part of the reason for asking your kids to submit agenda items in advance (and giving them a deadline) is so that you can keep your family meeting agenda to a reasonable length. Kids will get grumpy and it will not be sustainable if your meetings are too long.
PUTTING TOGETHER A FAMILY MEETING AGENDA
Gather all agenda item requests from your kids, and the items you wish to discuss, then give each topic a quick time estimate.
A half hour family meeting is a great time limit to shoot for—definitely less than an hour. It will partly depend on the age and enthusiasm of your kids.
Look through the agenda items your kids have suggested and choose at least one from each child. You know it will go poorly if someone is left out completely.
Decide on any other agenda items you want to include: quotes, prayer requests, jokes, compliments, or gratitude sharing.
Write down your agenda with estimated time allotments for each line item.
You can use my Family Meeting Template at the end of this post to create your family meeting agenda. The template provides a checklist for the following items:
- Sharing something positive
- Covering agenda items
- Discussing the upcoming calendar or schedule
- Asking about any additional items or comments at the end of the meeting
- Making a plan for follow-up if necessary
There is space to create an agenda, a place for notes, an area to add calendar reminders, and a place to jot down anything that needs to be followed up on.
Each family member should receive a copy of the agenda with the topics of discussion filled in. Then every individual has a place to take notes and write down any important information they need to take action on before the next meeting.
FAMILY MEETING TOPIC IDEAS
OPENERS
Set a time limit so stories don’t go on for too long. Using a timer can be helpful. It can also be helpful to let everyone know in advance what you will be sharing together so that you don’t waste a bunch of time while everyone tries to remember the best thing that happened last week.
- Say something nice to each other
- Tell about a great thing that happened this week/month
- Share a quote
- Tell a joke
- Read a quick inspirational story
- Ask a conversation starter question of each family member
- Have everyone share something they are loving right now
- Choose a positive character attribute and have everyone share something related to that
- Share something positive you have observed about your kids recently
Read: 250 Positive Character Traits to Describe Your Child
For 50 fun questions to start your family meetings, try this set of conversation starters available in my shop!
AGENDA ITEM POSSIBILITIES
Here are some suggestions for topics that may be helpful to discuss if you or your kids are having trouble knowing what to talk about:
- Something you would like to change in our household
- Ongoing problems with siblings (e.g. borrowing clothes, slacking on chores, annoying habits)
- Something you wish our family did more often
- Things you wish our family did less often
- Meal planning suggestions
- Ways to volunteer or brighten someone’s day
- Family fun activity suggestions (e.g. game night ideas, places to go together, movie suggestions)
- Chore responsibilities, allowance systems
- Family interactions that have hurt your feelings
- Prayer requests
- Discussion of family values and priorities
- Vacation planning
END ON A POSITIVE NOTE
Family meetings will sometimes include arguments, squabbles, and even tears. It’s important to try and use this time as a way to allow your kids to participate in the process of creating traditions, family systems, and conflict resolution, but always remember that they are children.
Every step toward learning how to bravely suggest an idea, come up with an alternative plan for something they are unhappy with, or compromise with a family member who wants a different solution is a step worth taking.
Thank them for participating. Try some of their ideas. Give them a hug.
Years from now, your kids may recall family meetings as a well-loved tradition they want to replicate with their own kids.
Get Your Free Family Meeting Agenda Template
Want a ready-made template for your family meeting agenda? I have a printable file you can use that includes a page to solicit agenda item suggestions from your kids, a page with ideas for reference, and a family meeting agenda that you can fill out and use in your own family meetings. Click the button below to download your printable template.
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Loved this post! I needed this so much. I hope this can turn into a fun routine in my family! Thanks