Every year, summer vacation has me pinballing back and forth between “I wish it could last forever!” and “how many more days before school starts?” When the school supplies hit stores in July, I start to think about a new school year and what I want for my kids – beyond learning the ABCs and 123s. I’ve been thinking about three pieces of life advice that I give my kids over and over again. These are things that I encourage my kids to do on an almost daily basis, and I realized that I need to take this advice to heart myself.
I’ve been a stay-at-home mom for almost 12 years now. I’m so thankful that I’ve been able to spend that time with them, and I’ve absolutely loved those years. But it’s shrunk my world. I’ve become comfortable in my tiny corner of the planet, and less willing to be brave. I have three daughters, and there are a few pieces of advice I find myself giving them repeatedly. I tell them to dream big, turn off their screens, and try something new.
Dream big
This one is on my mind these days because now that all my kids are in school, I’m starting to think about my personal dreams again. I know it’s a cliché, but I do encourage my kids to dream big. All the big things had to be dreamed up by somebody! I want my kids to imagine the possibilities and think about how to use their God-given gifts and abilities to do great things.
But when I say “dream big” that doesn’t mean that I expect them to start a business, invent a new product, or write a bestseller. I simply want them to be willing to stretch themselves, and not settle for “good enough.” I don’t want them to be satisfied with just checking a box. I want them to push for their absolute best.
A quote I have been thinking about lately is “A year from now you will wish you had started today.” I know without a doubt the truth of that statement. Most of us, if we are honest with ourselves on January 1st, can list off a half dozen things that make us wish we had started last year! I have no regrets about my decision to be a stay-at-home mom. It has been amazing and wonderful and so good for our family. But I don’t want my life to be completely tied up in my kids. They will grow up and leave me, chasing their own dreams, and I need something to dream about too.
I want to keep dreaming. It’s easy to live a life that is caught up in the busyness of daily life, without ever taking time to think about what is most important to us. Journaling has been a great way to think about what I love, what I’m interested in or passionate about.
Turn off the screens
I am not anti-technology at all. I love having the world at my fingertips. But I know that the time my kids spend on screens is time that they are not spending on imaginary play, exploring their interests, and learning what they are capable of in this vast, complicated world.
If you want to dive into a whole lot of reading about this topic, check out this website: www.childrenandscreens.com. It takes a determined focus on the part of parents to continually work on getting kids to turn off the screens…and not let them turn it on the second they say they’re bored.
The problem is, so many of our kids see us moms, number one influencer in their lives, mm-hmming vacantly to them, head down, eyes focused on our screen. To them, it must be obvious that our phones are the most fun thing in the grown-up world, because every adult is on it all the time. When we’re not on our phones, we’re watching our increasingly smarter TVs. I do love my phone, and I love my Netflix – no doubt.
But I don’t want to spend more time watching other people’s lives than I do living my own.
I personally don’t have any intention of giving up social media completely or getting rid of my TV. However, I have never played a game with my kids and afterward regretted that I hadn’t spent that time on my newsfeed. I’ve never worked on a project that’s been on my to-do list for months, and after completing it wished that I had spent that time watching Netflix. It’s very unlikely that any big dreams that either I or my kids have will become reality by staring at a screen.
Just try (failure is not the end of the world)
Some kids are naturally brave and fearless. They believe they can fly, that everyone likes them, and that they can rule the world. Some of my kids are not those naturally fearless kids. They’ve needed a little nudge now and then to just give it a try. We expect kids to try new things and discover what they love, what they don’t, and what they might just love if they put in a little practice time. There is no expectation that our kids will be the best at something they try or that it will appear effortless. Even if it’s a huge flop, we tell them that failure happens to everybody and encourage them to try again. To keep trying new things over and over.
As a mom, I desperately need to take this advice. Remember all that talk about dreaming big? Those big dreams happen when we take a tiny step towards it and just try something. It’s so easy for me to give my kids this advice, while in my head I know that there are a dozen things I am afraid to try because I don’t want to look stupid.
I don’t want to look back on my life with regrets about the things I didn’t try because I was afraid. First of all, no one is looking at me. They’re all too worried about the people supposedly looking at them. Secondly, if anyone is looking at me and sees me fail, so what? The people who love me are still going to love me. And likely, there will be people who identify with the failure and feel a greater affinity for me than they did before.
Taking my own life advice
I intend to keep advising my daughters to dream big. To investigate what is important to them and aspire to do their very best. I’ll keep telling them to turn off the screens and DO something. And I will continue encouraging them to try something new, to discover what they are capable of, and to be brave enough to fail.
Kids are pretty darn good at sniffing out our hypocrisy. As they get older, it will be obvious to them if I am following my own advice. This summer, I determined to follow my own advice. I’ve wanted to start a blog for years, so this summer I finally dreamed it up, made it a priority, and just did it. I want to live out the advice I’m giving my daughters, both for them and for me.
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